Curly lines

There must be an art to filling in my increasingly sparse eyebrows. I look perpetually shocked, no matter how carefully I draw them on. Tis a shambles.

2 months in.

It has been 2 months since I decided to quit corticosteroids. My face is pretty much the same, a red, flaky, dry, literally hot mess. Oozing has reduced (w00p w00p) and the redness seems to now be affecting my neck abit. It's just a few small spots but they are so horribly itchy. I'm aware that tsw can still spread... That's fine and all,  I really just want my face cleared up (and because I've only applied topical steroids on my face, this probably won't happen any time soon... Bummer).

I feel so helpless right now, I've been housebound since the beginning of tim- erm tsw. The hardest part of this process is not knowing when healing will occur. I don't want to return to work still feeling so uncomfortable and looking like the phantom of the Opera but I really love my job too, so I'm full of worries. If I start using steroids again, the past 2 months of extreme discomfort would have been for nothing and I know I would regret it. So here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You know where to find me...

When my face feels really horrible and tight (like after a shower or a wash) I retreat to my secret lair of shame (under my duvet) and curl into a foetal position like a creature of darkness. Seriously, I know it sounds nuts but 5 minutes under a duvet makes my face alot more comfortable, maybe me breathing makes the air more humid? I dunno but it works for me . And plus it's warm and cozy and an ideal place to sit and use my kindle (I WILL GET THROUGH THE GAME OF THRONES BOOKS BY THE END OF THIS!). Fighting!

This is scaly eagle, reporting from ze lair of shame, week 7.5, over.

The fire rages on

The redness is spreading :/.... not majorly, it's just conquering more areas of my face. It's also suddenly wayyyy more itchy. I'm only 7 weeks in and I know I should expect this but I hate that it's on my face. This is bloody awful. I feel like a leper and my face offends me. -.-

Also I've somehow managed to get through almost half a tub of nutella whilst wallowing in self pity and stalking ITSAN for reassurance that I'm not alone.

Jeez.

Dermatologist Appointment (SPAAARRR-TAAA)

Today I went in to see my dermatologist and told him all I knew about TSW. He tried to convince me to use steroids and although he did know of Topical Steroid Dependency, he still didn't think that what I am going through, is actually TSW. His explanation of why he thinks this is not withdrawal were pretty vague... something about the inflammation and redness being active eczema, or just hyper-pigmentation (I'm brown! I know what hyper-pigmentation looks like but I've never been this purply red before, I swears it) but nevertheless he said he will look into Dr Rapaport's papers and that if I think this is good for me, he will try to support me through the withdrawal.

This surprised me somewhat because the other dermatologists I have seen weren't even willing listen and scoffed at my research (Ohhh you-are-not-a-doctor-how-can-you-possibly-conduct-research-blah-blah) so I had come in expecting this to be a battle ....but it wasn't, I am pleasantly surprised. He even knows of Dr Rapaport, THE Dr Marvin Rapaport from Beverly Hills, and said he was a famous dermatologist and well... I just feel a bit giddy with relief.

Gah.

5 weeks in. Le sigh.

I feel like two face Harvey from Batman...  As in the right side of my face is more affected than the left. I don't know if the photos are giving you guys an accurate picture of how bad I look right now. It's so hard to believe that I will heal but I can't turn back now. 

It's the first time I've taken pictures and not tried to look pretty. :\.  I'm in my pyjamas and everything. Kinda therapeutic in a way. I'm not using any moisturisers either just because it just makes me itchy.

Eyebrow

My eyebrow.... It's disappearing. D: